1. Groom yourself
This seems like such an obvious one, but
it’s amazing how much of a difference a shower and a shave can make in your
feelings of self-confidence and for your self-image. There have been days when
I turned my mood around completely with this one little thing.
2. Dress nicely
A corollary of the first item above … if you
dress nicely, you’ll feel good about yourself. You’ll feel successful and
presentable and ready to tackle the world. Now, dressing nicely means something
different for everyone … it doesn’t necessarily mean wearing a $500 outfit, but
could mean casual clothes that are nice looking and presentable.
3. Photoshop your self-image
Our self-image means so much to
us, more than we often realize. We have a mental picture of ourselves, and it
determines how confident we are in ourselves. But this picture isn’t fixed and
immutable. You can change it. Use your mental Photoshopping skills, and work on
your self-image. If it’s not a very good one, change it. Figure out why you see
yourself that way, and find a way to fix it.
4. Think positive.
One of the things I learned when I started
running, about two years ago, what how to replace negative thoughts (see next
item) with positive ones. How I can actually change my thoughts, and by doing
so make great things happened. With this tiny little skill, I was able to train
for and run a marathon within a year. It sounds so trite, so Norman Vincent
Peale, but my goodness this works. Seriously. Try it if you haven’t.
5. Kill negative thoughts
Goes hand-in-hand with the above
item, but it’s so important that I made it a separate item. You have to learn
to be aware of your self-talk, the thoughts you have about yourself and what
you’re doing. When I was running, sometimes my mind would start to say, “This
is too hard. I want to stop and go watch TV.” Well, I soon learned to recognize
this negative self-talk, and soon I learned a trick that changed everything in
my life: I would imagine that a negative thought was a bug, and I would
vigilantly be on the lookout for these bugs. When I caught one, I would stomp
on it (mentally of course) and squash it. Kill it dead. Then replace it with a
positive one. (”C’mon, I can do this! Only one mile left!”)
6. Get to know yourself
When going into battle, the wisest
general learns to know his enemy very, very well. You can’t defeat the enemy
without knowing him. And when you’re trying to overcome a negative self-image
and replace it with self-confidence, your enemy is yourself. Get to know
yourself well. Start listening to your thoughts. Start writing a journal about
yourself, and about the thoughts you have about yourself, and analyzing why you
have such negative thoughts. And then think about the good things about
yourself, the things you can do well, the things you like. Start thinking about
your limitations, and whether they’re real limitations or just ones you’ve
allowed to be placed there, artificially. Dig deep within yourself, and you’ll
come out (eventually) with even greater self-confidence.
7. Act positive
More than just thinking positive, you have to
put it into action. Action, actually, is the key to developing self-confidence.
It’s one thing to learn to think positive, but when you start acting on it, you
change yourself, one action at a time. You are what you do, and so if you
change what you do, you change what you are. Act in a positive way, take action
instead of telling yourself you can’t, be positive. Talk to people in a
positive way, put energy into your actions. You’ll soon start to notice a
difference.
8. Be kind and generous
Oh, so corny. If this is too corny
for you, move on. But for the rest of you, know that being kind to others, and
generous with yourself and your time and what you have, is a tremendous way to
improve your self-image. You act in accordance with the Golden Rule, and you
start to feel good about yourself, and to think that you are a good person. It
does wonders for your self-confidence, believe me.
9. Get prepared
It’s hard to be confident in yourself if you
don’t think you’ll do well at something. Beat that feeling by preparing
yourself as much as possible. Think about taking an exam: if you haven’t
studied, you won’t have much confidence in your abilities to do well on the
exam. But if you studied your butt off, you’re prepared, and you’ll be much
more confident. Now think of life as your exam, and prepare yourself.
10. Know your principles and live them
What are the
principles upon which your life is built? If you don’t know, you will have
trouble, because your life will feel directionless. For myself, I try to live
the Golden Rule (and fail often). This is my key principle, and I try to live
my life in accordance with it. I have others, but they are mostly in some way
related to this rule (the major exception being to “Live my Passion”). Think
about your principles … you might have them but perhaps you haven’t given them
much thought. Now think about whether you actually live these principles, or if
you just believe in them but don’t act on them.
11. Speak slowly
Such a simple thing, but it can have a big
difference in how others perceive you. A person in authority, with authority,
speaks slowly. It shows confidence. A person who feels that he isn’t worth
listening to will speak quickly, because he doesn’t want to keep others waiting
on something not worthy of listening to. Even if you don’t feel the confidence
of someone who speaks slowly, try doing it a few times. It will make you feel
more confident. Of course, don’t take it to an extreme, but just don’t sound
rushed either.
12. Stand tall
I have horrible posture, so it will sound
hypocritical for me to give this advice, but I know it works because I try it
often. When I remind myself to stand tall and straight, I feel better about
myself. I imagine that a rope is pulling the top of my head toward the sky, and
the rest of my body straightens accordingly. As an aside, people who stand tall
and confident are more attractive. That’s a good thing any day, in my book.
13. Increase competence
How do you feel more competent? By
becoming more competent. And how do you do that? By studying and practicing.
Just do small bits at a time. If you want to be a more competent writer, for example,
don’t try to tackle the entire profession of writing all at once. Just begin to
write more. Journal, blog, write short stories, do some freelance writing. The
more you write, the better you’ll be. Set aside 30 minutes a day to write (for
example), and the practice will increase your competence.
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